Palantir vs. Hims
The Showdown Nobody Asked For, But Everyone Needs
Palantir vs. Hims: The Showdown Nobody Asked For, But Everyone Needs
Welcome, financial thrill-seekers, to the ultimate battle of corporate gladiators: Palantir (PLTR), the all-knowing, data-hoarding tech behemoth vs. Hims (HIMS), the sleek, millennial-friendly telehealth disruptor. It’s like watching a high-stakes chess match between an ex-CIA operative and a well-groomed influencer. Let’s dive in.
Revenue: Who’s Making the Moolah?
Palantir and Hims both started their revenue journeys like kids trying to ride a bike—some wobbles, a few scraped knees, and then suddenly, zoom! But while Hims soared like an overcaffeinated peloton instructor in 2022, it has since slowed down. Meanwhile, Palantir is creeping up steadily, like a patient AI waiting for its inevitable world domination.
Dilution: Stock-Based Compensation or Investor Heartbreak?
Oh boy. Palantir's 2021 stock-based compensation was so aggressive it looked like Oprah was in charge—"You get shares! You get shares! EVERYONE gets shares!" Since then, they’ve dialed it down, but that 2021 dilution is still the financial equivalent of a Thanksgiving food coma. Hims, on the other hand, is far more restrained—like the friend who insists on eating half a salad while you go full buffet mode.
Free Cash Flow: Who’s Swimming in the Green?
2023 was the year Hims flexed its free cash flow muscles, while Palantir was apparently still looking for the treasure map. But LTM (last twelve months) data shows Palantir making a comeback like a washed-up action hero in a surprise hit sequel.
Stock Performance: Rocket Ship or Rollercoaster?
If you had bet on Palantir since its IPO, you’d be up a ridiculous 860%—the kind of gains that make you feel like you cracked the Wall Street code. Hims, while still a solid player, is up 271%, which is respectable but doesn’t quite scream "Lambo time."
Valuation: Who’s the Expensive Date?
Palantir is currently trading at 135x price-to-free cash flow, which is basically saying, “We know it’s overpriced, but it’s Palantir, so just roll with it.” Meanwhile, Hims is chilling at 26x—more reasonable, more relatable, and definitely more likely to pick up the check on a first date.
Balance Sheet: Who’s Got the Financial Six-Pack?
Debt-to-equity ratio tells us who's in financial shape and who’s one bad quarter away from emotional eating. Palantir used to be the financial equivalent of someone carrying a heavy backpack up Everest, but it has slimmed down. Hims, though, has been keeping things tight all along, looking more like that friend who meal preps and actually sticks to it.
Margins: Who’s Keeping the Profits?
Palantir is the king of gross margins, sitting like a smug dragon on a pile of gold. Hims? Not quite as beefy, but still solid. However, when we zoom into free cash flow margins, Palantir still takes the W, while Hims is trying its best to get a piece of the profit pie.
Return on Capital: Are They Making Good Investments?
Let’s just say that Palantir spent the early years lighting investor capital on fire and hoping it would eventually turn into a bonfire of innovation. But as of late, the return on capital is finally getting into positive territory. Hims? They’ve had a steadier climb, proving that sometimes, slow and steady does indeed win the race.
Final Verdict: Who Would You Rather Take Home to Meet Your Portfolio?
If you want a high-risk, high-reward stock with a wild ride and the potential to change the world (or at least the way governments analyze data), Palantir is your go-to. If you prefer a stable, consumer-driven brand that capitalizes on millennial self-care trends, Hims is your man.
Either way, both of these stocks have their merits—and their baggage. So pick your fighter wisely. Or, you know, just buy both and hedge your bets like a true indecisive millennial.
Which one are you betting on? Drop your pick in the comments and let’s start a friendly financial debate.
